Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Mwangaza

Here are a few poems published in Mwangaza, Journal of University of Nairobi Literature students (2002) Nairobi, Kenya. Though the Journal is titled Mwangaza (Light) the light that these poems shine is very dark


To A Friend

It is painful to hurt a friend
It is painful to stab a soul mate
For when we hurt the other
We hurt ourselves
It is like punching a mirror
Hurting one through whom
You see a reflection
Of your very self
It is hard not to understand yourself
Arguing with the very person
Who has moulded a part of your personality
Made a part of what I call "me"
It is hard to stay this way
But it is even harder to get on the right road again
For then we have to dig into ourselves
Discard all that is vain
Do away with all the pain
Look for a place where honour, love and respect remain
I hope that life’s journey leads us closer to that place

©2002 James Dan Adolwa


God In My Mind


I believed in a god who spoke lies
I believed in a god who spoke vanity
into my mind
My god gave promises,
Which were never to come to pass.
And birthed dreams in my mind,
to make a fool of me infront of those
I opened my heart

I held on to empty hopes
I gave service to a foolish goal.
It was insanity.
That was what it was.
For after all this,
my god never bothered to visit me

I spoke to him devotedly
But did he speak back to me?
And though his prophets talked of
and showed his majesty,
His majesty never happened to me

So let me speak
one last time to him.
It might seem
a most foolish thing
but one does not pay attention
to one who is ignoring him

So god in my mind
You know all my prayers
You already know
the troubles on my mind
Not only because you know all
But also that I have told you
many times before.
I need an answer
Not to prove your existence
But to find out whether
you really care
or not at all
I will not repeat my prayers
But I’ll make the unspoken requests
Through these words
So answer me
Dear God.

©2002 James Dan Adolwa


The Mess that I Am

You look at me and think.
Boy! His life is all right.
Well can I give you my sleepless nights?
You say he couldn’t have a problem on his mind
But can you take it, if all your friends said goodbye?
And that night I almost lost my mind!!!
Have you ever lived like a pauper in a rich mans house?
Or been ordered to fast at a feast?
Have you ever regretted who you are?
Or has anyone ever tried to make you what you don’t want to be?
So I do not want or need your compliments
Or shouts of surprise
For they only torment my mind
And let me know even more that
I have not reached my goal
And have become the mess that I am.
I know that all that I want is within grasp
But the devil that I am is holding back my hand

©2002 James Dan Adolwa

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